


All Things Soft

by MothMeetsFlame



Series: How Far We Go [3]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Porn, Blow Jobs, Drug Use, Episode: s02e15 Revelations, Kidnapped Reid, M/M, Stockholm Syndrome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-07
Updated: 2014-02-07
Packaged: 2018-01-11 12:54:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1173321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MothMeetsFlame/pseuds/MothMeetsFlame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was the first time Spencer had allowed himself to truly want. It was soft and gentle, all lips and light touches like it had never been for him. Spencer knew it was going to end. It had to. But Tobias... Tobias was complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All Things Soft

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah... Totally not going to apologize for this one. Angsty sex awaits!

_“As if you were on fire from within._ _The moon lives in the lining of your skin.”_

― Pablo Neruda

 

He didn’t think he could get any lower, but with the way the world worked, it was dead set on proving him wrong. Tobias… Tobias was complicated. Of anyone he’d had, Tobias was the sweetest, the gentlest. The Archangel Raphael took him hard and fast, efficient and emotionlessly unattached like Spencer had never experienced. The way Charles took him was brutal, more alone the lines of how he knew it to be. Tobias was the first who took him slow and loving, who whispered sweet nothings into his ear and made him want without regrets or flashes of a time when it was something other. And it was… nice.

Tobias was gone though. Spencer hadn’t shot him. No. Spencer could never have done that. Tobias was one of the best men he’d ever encountered so, no, he couldn’t have shot Tobias. If it had been Tobias making him dig, Spencer would have died then, he knew. But it wasn’t Tobias. It wasn’t even the coldly efficient Raphael who’d come out there in the end. It was Tobias’s father who’d taken Spencer out to the cemetery, intent on killing him. Spencer was the one who got there first though and the bullet tore through him. It was Charles he shot, but it was Tobias he’d killed. Spencer went to him in the last moments of his life and Tobias was so proud of him. He’d destroyed the man who’d hurt them both. Spencer had only had to survive him for a few days, but Tobias had had to survive him for years. Even Charles’s first death hadn’t ridden Tobias the burden of his father.

He’d spoken about it once, about how it felt to have your tormentor living inside of you, clawing his way out, as they lied together in the few moments they’d had after intimacy. Far from robbing them of the moment, it gave Spencer a moment of clarity that stunned him. It was then that he realized that, under a separate set of circumstances, he could have come to love Tobias. Spencer was well versed in Stockholm Syndrome. He knew that he was in danger of giving in to it, but he didn’t care. He’d already been violated in so many ways in his life that he knew when a touch felt right. Tobias was gentle, sure of what Spencer wanted. He didn’t take, he gave. That was enough to spur Spencer into action.

He looked down at the tortured expression on Tobias’s face—so like the one he’d seen in the mirror that it hurt—and realized that what he was going to do was instinctual, natural.

“Tobias,” he whispered, getting the attention of the man, pulling him out of his head. Spencer leaned up on his elbow so that he was looking down at him. Tobias’s eyes were haunted, but there was a spark of something there that Spencer hadn’t seen when he first woke in the cabin. “Can I kiss you?” Spencer asked, repeating the words he’d heard from Tobias just hours before.

Tobias nodded. “Yes,” he squeaked out.

Then Spencer’s lips were on his, soft and chaste, content with just the press of the man beneath him. They’d been naked but for Spencer’s oxford shirt, haphazardly buttoned to keep it closed. Spencer could see the arousal grow in his partner. It started with a light flush, coloring his skin. He deepened the kiss, parting his lips and daring to flick his tongue out to explore the man’s mouth. Tobias moaned at the intrusion, pulling Spencer closer to him, running his hands up under his shirt to stroke him affectionately. Every touch was hot, but slow, like it always was with Tobias. Spencer wasn’t the only one who was skittish. Tobias seemed to never know what he wanted, what he needed. The way he looked into Spencer’s eyes so lost and sad, begged Spencer to do something—anything.

“Please,” Tobias whispered and Spencer smiled.

He grasped Tobias’s length in his hands and felt it harden under his touch. Without losing the connection, Spencer draped himself over Tobias, straddling him. Spencer flushed as Tobias's hands strayed lower, circling his hips, then lower still. Fingers probed at him, causing Spencer to gasp loudly when they pressed lightly against his perineum.

Tobias pulled back with a concerned look on his face. Spencer didn't let the loss of his mouth deter him though. He pressed kisses to Tobias's jaw and down his neck, not daring enough to mark him, but pleased with the goose bumps that trailed down his arms at the touch.

"Does it hurt too much?" Tobias asked as his fingers circled the swollen pucker between his cheeks.

Spencer didn't even think about the pain, only the pleasure of Tobias's fingers, mouth, body against him.

"Never," Spencer said and it was true. Tobias could never have hurt him. It just wasn't in the man.

Tobias's middle finger breached the ring of muscle, pressing shallowly against his inner walls before pulling out and circling. He pressed in again and again, going deeper each time, but it wasn't enough. Spencer rocked his hips wanting more, the thin finger not enough to sate him.

"More," Spencer panted once it was fully nestled inside of him. He felt Tobias curl his finger, stretching him further, and he bucked up in surprise when he hit something that had him seeing stars. _Prostate_ , his mind supplied him with. But then there was no more thinking. Tobias added a second finger, curling softly against _that spot_ again and Spencer's cries of _m -more, s'good, s'good, please_ kept him from thinking of anything else but the thrust of fingers and the pant of his lover's breath hot against his cheek.

Spencer could feel Tobias's hesitation in adding a third finger. He looked up at the man writhing on top of him in question, but Spencer shook his head. "No," he breathed.

Tobias withdrew, mistaking his words, but that suited Spencer just fine for what he wanted to do. He'd been on edge too long. He was prepared enough to take Tobias's length inside him now.

“No,” Spencer breathed again, but this time he knew Tobias could hear the need in his voice. “Please,” he said, and he knew that Tobias would know what he wanted. He didn’t wait for a response though. Tobias wouldn’t try anything, Spencer was sure, unless he had no doubts and Spencer’s pleas could be taken as protests just as easily as they could signify want and need. This time, Spencer knew what he wanted.

“Spencer,” Tobias gasped as Spencer guided the length to where his fingers had been just moments before.

Spencer pressed down, taking him slowly. His muscles fluttered at the intrusion, trying to get more, take him deeper. He groaned, loving the stretch as Tobias was sheathed completely inside, touching the most intimate parts of him. Spencer gasped and panted, eyes shutting closed as he tried to relax himself.

“Spencer? Spencer, are you okay?” Tobias asked and his voice was so caring, so concerned, that Spencer couldn’t help but dip down and claim his mouth again.

Spencer knew what Tobias was feeling now. It was the same reason Spencer didn’t Top. He couldn’t. On the few occasions he’d tried, he broke down. It felt too much like taking to him that he just… couldn’t. Tobias didn’t take him, though. Spencer gave himself freely and he knew that Tobias could feel the difference.

Spencer rocked back and forth, slowly at first, then picking up speed, trying to find the right angle. Tobias helped, turning his hips and thrusting _just right._ Spencer let out a loud mewl, all of his muscles tensing for half a second before they relaxed against Tobias. His thighs quivered with need, but he couldn’t seem to be able to find the strength to move.

“I –I –I n –need…”

But Tobias had seemed to know just what Spencer needed. He thrust in and Spencer cried out in pure ecstasy, given only moments before Tobias pulled back as far as he could from under Spencer and drove in again and again. It wasn’t the angry thrust of his father or the repelling touch of the archangel. It was driven by need and desire and a passion that left Spencer reaching and gasping for more with every touch inside of him.

Spencer discovered how to move and he timed his thrusts with Tobias’s to work him as deep as he could, loving the feel of the man beneath him. Tobias’s arm came up around his neck and guided Spencer closer. Their mouths warred with each other in a clash of lips and teeth. Their paces increased, becoming more frenzied, less focused.

“Spencer, I’m—”

“—inside, _please_ ,” Spencer moaned, cutting him off, and that was all it took to push Tobias over the edge.

Spencer could feel the spurts of come inside him, striking against his prostate in hot jets of pleasure. Spencer rode Tobias until the man began to soften inside of him, then he curled up against his chest, content for the moment to stay as he was. Spencer yelped in surprise as Tobias rolled them both over until _he_ was the one covering Spencer.

“What are you doing?” Spencer whispered.

“Taking care of you,” Tobias said softly into his ear. He pressed a kiss to Spencer’s jawbone and nuzzled his neck as he pulled out. Spencer gasped quietly at the pain of it—the first he’d felt since Charles and Raphael had left—and an unbidden tear slid down his cheek.

“Shhh,” Tobias soothed him. “I’ve got you.”

And the words comforted him, relaxing him in a way that made him wonder why he’d ever felt the need to tense beneath him. Because Tobias _did_ have him, had him in ways no other man ever could. Tobias wouldn’t leave him like this, needing and wanting and all alone. He would take care of him, just like he said.

Spencer arched his back as Tobias kissed lower on his neck, hitting a sensitive spot he wasn’t even aware he had. Tobias spent time caressing him there with every part of him—tongue, teeth, lips—until Spencer was chanting a steady chorus of _pleaseplease_ and he had to move further and further down Spencer’s body.

Every kiss sent flutters down to his stomach. Every touch sent heat through him.

When Tobias finally reached his length, Spencer cried out in relief. Tobias pressed a light kisses to the head, showering it with an affection that had Spencer bucking his hips up into the _not-enough_ touches. Words lodged in his throat, not letting him tell Tobias that it was too much, that he was teetering on the edge, before Tobias took him into his mouth. The moist heat around him was enough to make him fall, but the constriction of his throat shoved him over that edge into a more powerful sensation than Spencer had ever felt before. The pulsing heat of his orgasm had Tobias struggling to keep Spencer in his mouth, but he did so without complaint, swallowing him down until there was nothing left for Spencer to give.

Tobias pulled off of him, allowing the now-flaccid member to fall from his lips. Spencer absentmindedly ran his fingers through Tobias’s hair as he nuzzled into Spencer’s chest. They were both winded, but sated and relaxed. They were comfortable like that for a few minutes, together in the still air around them. The quiet was peaceful until Tobias tensed against Spencer.

“Tobias?” Spencer asked worriedly.

“He’s coming,” Tobias whispered, looking up at Spencer with wide eyes.

“How long?”

“A few minutes.”

Spencer leaned down and claimed Tobias’s lips tenderly, giving one last kiss before their time was over.

They both dressed quickly and efficiently, leaving no trace of their brief interlude behind. Spencer was bound again to the chair and Tobias filled a syringe.

“Tobias…”

“I’m sorry, but it will make it better.”

Reid knew, it truly did make it better. The pain was still there, would probably always be there, but his mind was clear from having to think about it with the drug inside of him. “Tobias,” he mumbled as his eyes slid closed, but when Tobias left the room, it was his father who returned.

Spencer was dragged from the room to dig his own grave and he saw his chance while Charles was distracted. He pulled the trigger of the gun, shooting his captor just inches from his heart. Spencer watched the man collapse and saw the moment Charles became Tobias.

“You killed him,” Tobias said with awe.

“Tobias,” Spencer sobbed.

“You think I’ll see my mom again?” he asked.

Spencer’s words lodged in his throat as he watched his lover die.

In the hospital, after he was treated and bandaged, the questions began. Hotch sat alone by his bedside, hand clasped with Reid’s, speaking in soft tones as he debriefed his agent.

“Did Tobias force anything on you, Reid?” Hotch asked him.

Reid looked at him in exasperation. “Of course not, Hotch. I chose to be strapped down to a chair and tortured over the course of two days because I enjoyed it.”

Reid shivered as he watched Hotch’s eyes tighten in shame, though his face was carefully controlled.

“You know what I meant, Reid.”

Reid turned away from him then, unable to see the protective gleam in the man’s eye when he answered. “No. Tobias never… he didn’t… _that_ didn’t happen.” He saw Hotch nod in his peripheral vision, but refused to face him.

“Get some rest, Reid,” Hotch said, patting his leg lightly. “I’m putting you on medical leave until you’re healed up. The rest of the team is here to see you and I’ll come by later this week to check on you.”

Reid nodded. When Hotch left the room, Reid allowed the sobs he’d trapped to escape. He wasn’t naïve enough to think that what he and Tobias had had was even close to love, but it was the first time in his life that he hadn’t been taken, that he hadn’t been _fucked_. Now, though, it was over. Tobias was gone, dead, killed by the only person who’d known first hand what it was like to be on the receiving end of his father’s rage.

Reid heard footsteps in the hallway, his team making far too much noise as they stomped towards his room. He wiped the tears from his eyes and coughed once, twice, to clear his throat. By the time Prentiss and JJ came first into the room, Reid had pushed everything to the back of his mind and sealed it up tight. He would have time later for grief, for mourning. Now was a time for the falsehoods of happiness.

 

 _“When he died, all things soft and beautiful and bright would be buried with him_.”

― Madeline Miller, _The Song of Achilles_


End file.
